“What we have here is a failure to communicate”; this classic line from the prison warden in the movie Cool Hand Luke sums up succinctly a lot of the problems couples face in bed. For over 35 years I have heard a lot of stories some good, but mostly dreadful !It may be easy and spontaneous for some couples to have an enjoyable sex life, but this is the exception rather than the rule. If it isn’t repetitive or boring it can be routine without imagination or variety. Its obvious, but an ongoing dialog must happen between both partners-what each likes during foreplay, and more importantly, what you or he doesn’t like. Concentrating on the preamble is essential to enjoying the finale. It’s not easy to change, but anything worthwhile takes time, patience, and communication with your spouse. Don’t assume he understands what you want done! Talk is cheap and effective, and with repetition the spontaneity robust orgasms are more likely.Plan for at least 20-30 minutes of playful touching, massaging, and kissing. Remember, the beginning and middle are just as important and often more so than the end-so enjoy the endless possibilities for pleasure to flourish and grow each time; the joy of anticipation and the excitement will return as your just reward for the instruction and communication that you gave; you must ask for what you enjoy or else you will derive little pleasure and work a lot for your partner’s bliss.